If you work with high-net-worth clients, you are, no doubt, incorporating estate planning into the process. Nothing new there.

Many advisors dedicate one of their annual meetings to the process, checking in to review changing needs, the impact on the plan or tax considerations. But we know that, at its core, estate planning is equally about emotions—those of the parents and of their children.

When you get it right, an effective estate plan is not only about the money but family values, legacy, and non-financial goals. This creates an incredible opportunity for advisors who are willing to ‘go there’ and facilitate deeper conversations.

New Tech is just a starting point

A number of innovative tools have emerged, harnessing the power of artificial intelligence (AI) to make the process of designing and updating estate plans considerably easier and faster. Utilizing machine learning to analyze a vast amount of data, technology promises to identify gaps and even to predict future needs. And updating plans has become considerably easier with the ability to reflect shifts in family dynamics, changes in the tax laws, or market fluctuations.

But technology is only as good as the known data. We know that some of the most important data sits in the hearts and minds of clients and their adult children. That ‘data’ provides context for the plan. This is where the emotional and relational aspects of estate planning come into play, and where advisors can truly make a difference.

Emphasize emotional connection

Parents want to feel confident that their wishes will be honored, and that the transfer of wealth will truly support their loved ones. At the same time, children often have their own fears, hopes, and uncertainties about their inheritance. Advisors are in a unique position to support with both.

Think about the importance of the plan. It’s a connection to the past and a foundation for the future. It creates a deeper sense of purpose for the family, ensuring that the estate plan will not only preserve assets but also family unity and connection. Facilitating those conversations is powerful.

Facilitate meaningful conversations

One of the most effective ways to ensure that both the technical and emotional aspects of estate planning are addressed is to facilitate deeper conversations. Too often, parents and children have never truly discussed what a legacy means or how they envision the future. With thoughtful questions and careful guidance, you can help families explore these important subjects.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to facilitating deeper conversations:

1. Pre-meeting engagement: Rather than simply reviewing the mechanics of an estate plan during a meeting, encourage families to reflect on specific questions in advance. This allows them to consider what they want to communicate and think about what really matters most to them. These discussions are often most productive when all key family members—especially children—are involved in advance.
   
   • Sample question for parents: “If you could pass on one important lesson to your children regarding money and their financial future, what would it be?”
   • Sample question for adult children: “What would you most like to understand about your parents’ wishes for their future?”
2. Shared understanding: Ask parents about what details they have shared with their children. Have they communicated how much wealth will be transferred? Have they explained the structure of the estate plan, or provided insight into how they would like to live in their later years? These questions help determine if there is a shared understanding of both the financial and emotional elements of the plan. And then ask the adult children the same question to identify gaps.
3. Navigating sensitive topics: Estate planning often touches on sensitive issues, such as aging and cognitive decline. It’s important to create space for families to have these difficult conversations. Ask questions like, “Have you discussed how to spot and address signs of cognitive decline with your children?” This type of question not only opens up critical discussions, but it also ensures that the estate plan addresses potential future needs in a holistic way.
4. Encouraging reflection: Estate planning is, ultimately, about more than just wealth—it’s about what parents want to pass down to their children beyond the material. Ask parents to reflect on their values and what they hope their legacy will be.
   
   • Sample Question for Parents: “When you think about your legacy, what values or lessons do you hope your children will carry forward?”
   • Sample Question for Adult Children: “Is there anything you wish you could better understand about your parents’ intentions and the legacy they want to leave?”
5. Documenting insights: Capturing responses to questions and reflecting them back to the family is a powerful tool. By documenting key lessons, concerns, and reflections, you provide families with a tangible record that will help guide their future decisions and ensure that everyone’s voice is heard.

Best practices

To guide your clients and their families through these deeper conversations, here are some best practices to consider:

1. Help clients articulate their needs. Invite parents to share responses to a set of questions, ensuring you ask spouses/partners to do so separately.
2. Facilitate family engagement: Encourage adult children to participate in the conversation, even if they are not directly involved in the estate plan or the meetings. This can help bridge any gaps in communication and ensure that there is a shared understanding of the parents' wishes.
3. Allow time for reflection: Provide families with ample time to reflect on and respond to the questions in advance of the meeting. This gives them the space they need to process their thoughts and feelings, leading to more meaningful conversations.
4. Document needs. Document the responses to your questions and share them back with the family. Not only does this help families feel seen and understood, it can provide a meaningful keepsake for the future.

Estate planning is far more than a financial transaction—it is a profound reflection of family values, life experiences, and hopes for the future. By integrating both technical planning and emotional engagement, you have a unique opportunity to create lasting value for your clients. The key lies in facilitating meaningful conversations, ensuring that the estate plan reflects not only financial goals but also family dynamics, legacies, and personal connections.

‍

Thanks for stopping by,

Julie

‍