One week ago I wrote the final word on the final page of my first book, The Pursuit of Absolute Engagement. To say that I’m excited would be an understatement of epic proportion. I set out to write a book that would give you a plan and the tactics to create a business that is both wildly successful and deeply fulfilling. I had done the research and understood, going in, that achieving Absolute Engagement requires alignment between personal, client and team engagement. What I didn’t fully appreciate is the ways in which mindset can set us up for success or knock us right down. As this became clear, the research took a decidedly more personal turn. It turns out to be very true that we can be our own worst enemies.

The Demons That Conspire to Thwart Your Success

There are five steps on the path to Absolute Engagement: awareness, audacity, action, accountability and renewal. And if the path to Absolute Engagement seems long, it may well be. If the path seems hard, that’s also possible. There’s no doubt, however, that the path is worth it.  Those who achieve Absolute Engagement are, on average, more confident in their goals, more focused on the right activities, report lower stress and higher energy and generate more revenue.  Not bad. As with any journey, there are potholes along the way; they’ll slow you down and cause you to doubt your plan. It’s notable, however, that when it comes to Absolute Engagement, these metaphorical potholes are all in our heads. The best we can do is call those demons out so that we have a chance of recognizing them when they appear.

1. The “Shoulds.”

At the core of Absolute Engagement is understanding the clients we’re passionate about working with, the work we want to do and the role we want to play. More important, it’s about having the courage to build a business to reflect each of those things. Sometimes, however, we don’t get out of the gate because of something I call “the shoulds”. The “should” reflects a natural, but potentially destructive, propensity to let our perceived responsibilities dictate our life path. I saw the impact of this ‘demon’ with an advisor I met and who shared his story.

‍James is a financial advisor who works on a very successful team. As much as he enjoys a lot of what he does, he knows he wants something different. He wants to write and to coach and, in the process, to help people by sharing his own experience of battling and surviving depression. He told me that he knew that’s what he was meant to do. And while the vision seems clear, he can’t imagine making the change because he feels a crushing responsibility to create a comfortable life for his family. His wife had stopped working to raise their four children and he felt the weight of family responsibility on his shoulders. Although his wife planned to get back into the workforce, he felt he “should” be the primary financial support for the household, he “should” stick to a job that was predictable and he “should” put aside his own desires to provide for his family.

‍Responsibilities are real but they’re rarely as restrictive as we believe. James might have been a better father and husband (and could have made a more meaningful impact on the lives of people around him) if he’d created a plan that allowed him to step off that path and do the work he knew he should be doing. The obligations were real and the children were real so a sudden change would, no doubt, have had a negative impact. But change doesn't have to be sudden. For James, things started to change when he realized that everything didn’t have to change overnight and he could begin to pursue his dreams while continuing to meet his obligations. He enrolled in a coaching course, began to work on content for his program and started to interview people who fit the bill of those he wanted to help. He talked to his wife about all of this (something he hadn’t really done) and the two of them were able to come together on a plan. More important, he set a deadline, which was about five years out so that he had a clear path forward and could mitigate the financial risk.

‍The Lesson? Acknowledge responsibility but don’t let it set you on a limiting path.

2. The Armor

Those who are Absolutely Engaged all have something in common. They consciously hit the ‘pause’ button at some point in their careers, dig deep to understand what they really wanted to create and then take action. Doing so requires a certain amount of strength because it requires that we question the path that our business is on. Dr. Brené Brown is a professor at the University of Houston’s Graduate College of Social Work. She has a unique field of study, focusing on vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame and has written three #1 New York Times Bestsellers. Brown writes eloquently and passionately about the role of vulnerability in our personal success. She defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” More importantly, she talks about accepting vulnerability as absolutely necessary to living fully and completely. In one of my all-time favorite Ted Talks, The Power of Vulnerability (which has over 25 million views by the way), Brown documents how we “numb” vulnerability. I believe that this is what we’re doing when we put our head down and keep going instead of asking if there is something more that we want to achieve in our businesses or lives. Vulnerability, in many ways, is the antidote to a pitfall I see everywhere and which I simply refer to as “the armor.” We wrap ourselves in a shield that keeps us tough and focused and marching singularly forward. To accept that you want something different, or to set a big life goal, demands vulnerability because it suggests you may have invested your time and effort heavily in the wrong direction (even if that was a necessary step to getting here).For so many of us it’s just easier to stay on the wrong road than to question ourselves. It’s the same odd characteristic that stops us from asking for directions when we’re lost. Or, perhaps, it’s easier not to try because we recognize that failure, even temporary, is a possibility.

‍The Lesson? Achieving Absolute Engagement requires an element of vulnerability because only the vulnerable are willing to ask if they are on the right path. We need to shed the armor.

Understand the Real Risks

We dream, we plan and we take action. We work hard to achieve the goals we set. The problem is that our planning tends to focus on mitigating external risks, like competition or changing consumer demand. In reality, we should probably focus as much on the internal barriers that we all create and which block us on the path to reaching our goals.

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Thanks for stopping by,

Julie

P.S. If you’d like to receive the first chapter of the new book, just click here. I’d love your feedback.